I hope we are upon another awakening. A revolution. I hope the government is not as corrupt as I fear. A conspiracy. I hope God, in whatever sense of the word, really exists. A reason. I hope we are upon another realization. A vision.
(Diary of a Pothead, May 24, 2002)
I have just spent the last few days re-reading my old journals, and the same themes kept popping up: searching for a reason, being hopelessly lost, never happy, never satisfied, and always expecting greatness and an unrealistic future. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve come a long way, and inspired again, I decided to turn off Alex Jones and reflect on this. The Girl I Used to Know has found a reason, and that reason, as simple as it may sound, is living for God. I may still fear the future (especially now, in this current climate), I may wake up sad sometimes and reluctant to leave my bed, I may experience an overpowering loneliness, that is, perhaps, my biggest thorn, but I am no longer lost and in search of meaning in this chaotic world. I have found a purpose. Simple. Pure. Absolute. I have a reason to write again, something besides the smoke-filled verses of my youth that were filled with pain and confusion and the need to confess my inner secrets and turmoil. I have nothing left to hide. I have nothing left to pine over, so, I will write to warn others of what’s coming. I will attempt to shed light on the darkness of this world.
And just what is coming? Well, it’s what I wrote about in Project Monarch, this darkness that took over my life, this insane conspiracy that truly is the root of all evil, this prequel to the mark of the beast is at mankind’s doorstep, and I intend on saving as many souls as possible. And what about my prophecy about River Phoenix’s return from the dead? Well, I’m still waiting on that one too, but if I’m right, and he is out there, and he is reading this, please, take off your mask soon. If I’m wrong, I suppose I’ll move on just as I always have and put this thing behind me for good. Isn’t that what it comes down to? Am I right or am I wrong, either way, I’m still living for God, and this seed planted in my brain can finally be plucked out.
So, just like my younger years, I guess I’m still expecting greatness and an unrealistic future. I also have an insatiable need to visit Yellowstone National Park, but maybe that’s just part of the programming. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
The Apple and the birdcage 