Beaver Nuggets

I’ve spent the bulk of my morning and early afternoon warring against a weed-whacker that just decided to quit working. This has been the first summer in about ten years that we didn’t pay for a yard crew to come out. With the extra time on my hands (apparently, I’ve taken a two year sabbatical), I was actually looking forward to mowing and maintaining the yard myself this summer. Spring was going really well, the yard looked awesome and I even planted some corn, but then the drought hit along with a relentless and impenetrable heat dome that stuck around all summer long. I don’t think the yard will ever fully recover. It’s been a rough couple of months. So far, the highlight of this year has been my triumph over the lawn mower. It hasn’t worked in three years, but early spring brought with it my determination to fix it. Motivated entirely by my refusal to spend another summer paying for a lawn crew I could no longer afford, I finally found the right YouTube video to help with my endeavor. I drained the old gas, changed out the spark plug, cleaned the carburetor, and voila, she started right up. As for the weed-whacker, it somewhat works but it keeps feeding too much line. I think it’s the new spring I just replaced. As for my sabbatical, that will have to come to an end this year.

Plan B weighs heavy on my mind as fall and winter loom right around the corner. Once again, I am waiting on the impossible to happen, but as time goes on, to be honest, it’s feeling less and less likely. So, yes, I’m still being stalked and harassed by this irritating presence known only to me. I thought for sure I’d be done with this thing by now, but then, what’s new? I’ll listen to Pastor Mike for some sort of reassurance or guidance or insight or perspective into this thing, but it never comes true, and what I think is going to happen, never happens, yet I keep hanging on because I don’t know what else to do. It’s been nothing but false hope, far-fetched imaginations, and misplaced meanings. So, after Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (something’s gotta happen! Surely, it’ll happen this time!), I’m finally letting go. No more Pastor Mike, no more believing in the impossible, after an eight-year cycle, I’m done. They can keep tapping on my window and assaulting my coffee pot for the rest of my life if that’s how it has to be, but I have got to move on. It’s not just the Pastor Mike thing. I can’t even read my bible without looking for some sort of clue. I won’t get into it too much, but that’s where I’m at, same old same old, I’ve grown old dealing with this thing.

As for Plan B, I figure I’ll find a job at Buc-ee’s somewhere. They actually pay close to what I was making at the paper. I’d like to buy a house with my mom in Lake Jackson or even Bay City, somewhere close to the beach and close to my Aunt Judy. She’s been having memory problems and really shouldn’t be living by herself anymore.

As for plan A, well, River and I (and Kurt? Idk) were supposed to expose this thing and lead people to Christ while doing so. God help me, that sounds so far-fetched and beyond looney tunes. God help me – I’ve been praying that for the past eight years. Maybe plan C will consist of my admittance into the funny farm. At least I’ll be on a farm.

Eventually the heat will subside and fall will cool me off just enough to prevent spontaneous combustion. Eventually, I shall be free, one way or another.